Many Thompsonites have been grieving the loss of loved ones. Rev. Leslie-Elizabeth King of St. John's United Church is offering a series of informational sessions about grief and the grieving process.
The first session was held Sept. 22 on the subject of stages of grief and mourning, with subsequent sessions each Wednesday night through Oct. 13 at 7:30 p.m.. Subjects will include, in order, coping skills, grief and relationships, and adjusting to the new reality. All workshops are held at St. John's United Church, with tea and coffee served afterwards.
"It became obvious that it's become time again to provide that information," says King, who also offers individual counseling sessions. "In the past, I've run support groups, but nobody wants to cry in public, so in a support group when you cry, you're with people who understand and know why you're crying and they don't ask dumb questions, or give you advice that's totally inapplicable. But when people are working really hard to keep themselves together and function in some way, that's too much for them, even at a support group. I thought this time around, I'd run four information sessions on different aspects of grief and life after loss."
King believes there is a need for information about grieving to reach Thompsonites. "It seems there are always a lot of tragic situations in Thompson - I don't know whether it's per capita more than any other community, but because of the size of Thompson, we're more aware," she says. "Any community has smaller communities within it, and sometimes it affects one smaller segment of the community more than another. This past year, since last fall, there have been deaths that have been difficult to deal with in every segment of the community."
"No one will be expected to bare their soul or share their story, and some people will be coming because they have friends that are grieving and they want information to be able to be a good friend," King explains. "Some people will come to it because they're it the middle of it and they don't know what's happening, nothing makes sense." There is no cost for the sessions, but anyone interested is asked to pre-register so enough handouts can be available.
King has recently had her own experiences with grief, as her mother passed away in early September. "It's giving me some insight - it hasn't changed my opinion about anything but it's deepened my understanding of it," she says. "The members of my family are saying 'I don't think I'm feeling what I'm supposed to feel,' and then they've been saying 'how do you find out what we're supposed to feel? Well, from movies and TV and that's not real.'"
Though the sessions are meant to be informational, King welcomes anybody who wants to share their own experience. "I'm not going to ask people to talk, but they can if they want to," she says. "If I'm talking about something that people might have a struggle with, like sleep disruption, or seeing the person who has died everywhere they look - if someone's there who has found a way to deal with that themselves, they're more than welcome to share it. I'm not going to lock people into one particular pattern, but I won't put anyone on the spot."
"It's open to anyone who wants to come, King explains. "I'll be presenting material from a counseling perspective, and also from a spiritual perspective. People in town know me, I'm not going to push religion on anyone, but losing someone we care for - or even someone with whom we have had a very intense and hateful relationship over the years - is ultimately a spiritual experience because it has to do with the meaning of life and how we understand ourselves, who we are, our identity. We can really allow ourselves to be formed by very negative relationships, so when that negative relationship which we think we want to get rid of is gone, we're still left with the question 'who am I?'"
Of so-called "normal" responses to tragedy, King notes that "different people feel different things. Some people feel relief. I knew one woman, years ago in another province, who was one of those women you meet sometimes, an obedient life and very subdued emotionally. Her family was really concerned about how she was going to function after their dad died because she was so dependent on him - well, she blossomed! She became the person who had been repressed all these years - it didn't mean she didn't love her husband, but she could now be who she was. That really upset the family, that she felt fine about it! There are other people who seem to be strong all the time, and then they can't function at all after they lose someone. Some people get angry, some people cover their pain with addictive behaviours, there's no one way to feel."
"Everybody has their own way of addressing their spiritual crisis."
