Skip to content

Tales from the Grumpy Old Men's Club

Technology tales: What we like and don't like
GB201210306279989AR.jpg

That word and all that it represents is a grumpy old man's worst enemy. Not only do we not understand most of the new devices and products out there, we are the object of ridicule when we fumble around trying to make them work. Nothing hurts more than trying to program your new cell phone only to have a seven-year- old take it away from you, press a bunch of buttons and give it back with a look of pity. Sure there are those our age who have mastered all those shinny new devices but they aren't human and are actually aliens sent to make the rest of us look bad. Let's take a look at some of those products.

Phones

We were quite happy when the latest craze was the cordless phone. No more long cords and you could walk around the house and yak your face off without the cord snapping it out of your hand. Then came the cell phone. Great idea right? Wrong! All that means is that people can bug you anytime they feel like it, people like bill collectors. Believe me they will be calling you far more than the call that tells you that you've won a bunch of money and even those calls end up being a scam. The new ones have a built in GPS that helps whatever pain in the butt find you no matter where you are. If you want some fun attach a small one to a big bird and let it loose or on a moose if you can catch one. The newest line of phones has everything built in from Internet, to pictures, to movies, to texting and the list goes on.

Texting has to be the dumbest thing anyone could have added to a cell phone for two reasons. First, I've seen two people text each other and they were sitting next to each other. I mean what happened to the fine art of conversation. Also the English language took a beating when people started texting. Everything is abbreviated. I mean how lazy can you get? When it comes to a cost the billing process is a long and complicated one. Those contracts can be confusing and if you don't watch it you may end up giving up your first born if you miss a payment. The one good thing about them is that they are handy in an emergency, especially if you are stranded on a highway.

iPads and the like

These nifty devices are straight out of Star Trek and will do everything but conceive a child and that's probably in the works somewhere. Those tablets let you play games, watch movies, talk to your friends, adjust the level of lights in your room, and a host of other things that, in the past, usually meant some form of exercise required to accomplish. Are they handy? Ask the guy I saw walk into a telephone pole when he was concentrating on that tablet instead of left foot, right foot. It was good for a laugh though I must admit.

Computers

I use them but I still don't understand them. They can do a million things these days but all I use them for is to write stories like this and research on the Internet. I've seen people with 10 different things going on within a computer and none of it I understand nor do I want to. Life is confusing enough without adding to it. They tend to break down at the worst possible time, people hack into them and raid your bank account and everyone's personal records are on a disk somewhere. That stuff worries me.

Perhaps the most troubling thing about today's technological advances is that they are not eco-friendly. Most contain things that can't go into a landfill and what good is recycling if that piece of equipment is outdated? I'm not suggesting that we go back to the Stone Age but I am suggesting that we should slow down, take a look around us and avoid those telephone poles.

Well-known raconteur Len Podbisky is a former Thompson Citizen and Nickel Belt News reporter and former news director of Arctic Radio CHTM-610 AM who now lives in The Pas

push icon
Be the first to read breaking stories. Enable push notifications on your device. Disable anytime.
No thanks