A few months ago I was enjoying some time swimming with my family and when I went to pull myself out of the pool in the deep end I found I could barely heave my body onto the side. And that was it. In one brief moment I was suddenly infused with the desire and motivation to hit the weights again. What I find so interesting here is not the story of a woman deciding to work out again (hello January first!) but how a person can go from having no time to work out to finding four to five days a week to do so. I mean, where did all that time come from? Was I pulling from my magical banked overtime and using up some extra hours I forgot I had? Clearly not, yet suddenly all the reasons for not working out were no longer barriers. Life seems to be like that. Sometimes all it takes is one defining moment and you get back on track. Like the summer when I read a nutrition book that described pop as “liquid Satan.” I had wanted to stop drinking it before but the cold bubbly deliciousness of diet Pepsi being poured over crackling ice was just too much temptation. Sure it had aspartame and other non-food items unfit for human consumption but I couldn’t seem to break it off until the liquid Satan descriptor set me free (though occasionally there is still a bit of a lure). I think it’s like giving up smoking or alcohol; you can never, ever have “just one” again (seriously friends, it’s a trap). So now I’m on the right track, dusting off the home gym and trading my no-flex body for a Bowflex body, gaining muscle instead of flab (at least I think those few extra pounds are muscle but they could be the result of this addictively crunchy organic peanut butter I keep eating straight from the jar). While I may not cut through the clear waters graceful as a dolphin, I can say I no longer have to roll out of the deep end and flop on the deck.
And that, friends, is where the story ends; or rather where it should end, where we would like it to end. Like the ending of Maid in Manhattan with Jennifer Lopez (yes, I did just watch it again for the fourth time; no judgment please, it’s on Netflix and it goes well with peanut butter). Just to let everyone know, it truly was “happily ever after” as the credits begin to roll you see that J-Lo and the senator are still together one year later. Ah, sweet. But what about two years later, 10 years later? Still together? Still working out? Still shunning liquid Satan? In my younger years I thought all my “endings” were a permanent state of achievement that I would easily maintain throughout the years. So when I failed to keep my own status quo the failing was rather spectacular, if only in my own mind. Like when you’re on some crazy grapefruit diet and you crack and eat the whole tub of Häagen-Dazs; or you smoke the whole pack of cigarettes; or charge a whole new wardrobe. Go big or go home, right? If you’re gonna fail, make it worth the guilt, isn’t that the mindset? You blew it once, so that day is shot, then the week, the month, and, holy smokes, there goes the whole year. It is hard to bounce back after eating the whole tub, especially if your standard is not even a bite. So I have begun to see life and my journey differently these days. I still have goals and things I want to accomplish but instead of pursuing them on a balancing beam without room for life’s missteps, I build into my plan those moments and seasons where things may be messy, where the carton of ice cream is polished off many weekends in a row and the snooze button is pressed repeatedly on weekday mornings. But the key is this: I am not giving myself permission to fail; I am giving myself permission to start again. Without guilt, without condemnation, without fear.
I find that this same mindset can be applied to my spiritual life. I love the Lord and I want to please Him but as the song says, I am prone to wander, prone to leave the God I love. So I am grateful for the revelation that it is God who is faithful and that is why my aim is to point others to Him – albeit through the messiness of a life that is often just a little, or just a lot, off course – and not to me. A wise friend recently reminded me that when life is better I am not more powerful just because my circumstances look good. I would like to add that when life is difficult I am not less powerful because my circumstances look bad! Instead I look to the One who has the power to accomplish the good work that He began in me. (Phil. 1:6) Maybe I’m not bringing sexy back (though 40 really is the new 20) but I am bringing myself back on track more gently these days and I have far more inspiring company than Justin Timberlake.
“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” Phil. 3:12
Julie A. Desjardins has lived in Northern Manitoba for over four years and loves to encourage people to grow in their faith. You can follow her blog at: www.dosedependent.me or contact her by e-mail at dosedependent@hotmail.com.
