We’ve all heard the warnings. There is a bunch of wing-nuts out there who are saying on Dec. 21 of this year the world will end and we are all kaput. Yah right, and there is such a thing as the Easter Bunny. It seems every couple of years there is someone out there who gets bored and starts a prediction that we are all doomed and the reasons why are endless. Whether it be God’s wrath, a cosmic calamity or a nuclear war they tend to play on our basic fears and exploit them. Well to us grumpy old men we don’t scare as easy as that but we do appreciate a good laugh once in awhile so let’s take a look at some of these predictions.

The Mayan calendar

This is probably the one we hear of the most. Somebody decided that because a bunch of Mayans a couple of thousand years ago chiselled a calendar onto a rock and the date ended on December of this year that it was rock solid evidence that we’re all toast four days before Christmas. We must look at this in perspective. A bunch of people who practiced ritual sacrifice, had no metal tools, had no idea what a wheel was and shaped their heads to look like cone heads could actually predict our demise? Sure they were great astronomers but there are far better ones in this day and age and I don’t see them building bunkers or running around screaming we’re all gonna die.

There is actually a guy in the United States who says that the Mayans pin pointed out that Yellowstone National Park will erupt into a super volcano and we better be prepared. First off how did the Mayans know about Yellowstone a couple of thousand years ago? Did Yogi Bear’s great, great, great, great grandfather warn them? I doubt it. By the way this doomsday dimwit also sells all the survivor stuff you’ll need to get through this. There is some truth that there is a possibility that the park will erupt into a super volcano some day but I wouldn’t start digging that bunker just yet.

As far as the calendar is concerned think about it for a moment. What do you do with your calendar at the end of the year? You throw it away right? I think the Mayans ran out of rock space and someday someone is gonna find another one that starts at Dec. 22, 2012. Also the Mayan calendar works on a roughly 300-year cycle and we’ve gone through a couple already and it’s by coincidence that one of the cycles ends this year.

Planet X

I love this one. This theory states that there is a planet out there, which no one has identified, that will mysteriously appear and smash into Mother Earth and that’s it ... game over. The people who first came up with this prediction started out saying that 2003 was when it was gonna happen.

When 2003 passed they came up with some excuse like they forgot to carry the two and have now said that this year is what they meant. I’ll be curious to find out what kind of excuse they come up with this time.

Let’s look at this Planet X theory a little closer. First off, none of the people making the prediction are astronomers and you would think that someone in that profession would come in handy to lend credibility to your claim. Nope ... not one has come forward and if one does it’s probably from a bad LSD trip. Secondly you would think that someone would have seen a planet whistling through our solar system sometime. I mean a planet is a pretty hard thing to hide unless it’s behind Jupiter waiting to pounce.

Alien invasion

According to some, a bunch of Klingons will attack our little planet and we’ll be food for their masses. Well, as long as Captain Kirk is alive, it ain’t gonna happen and for a couple of reasons. Why would they come here? The only threat we possess is to ourselves and we do a good job of knocking each other off without anyone’s help. They are called wars and we’ll use any excuse to start one. Ask the people of Iraq. We are a highly volatile, suspicious and bloodthirsty species so why would any intelligent being want anything to do with us. Bloodthirsty? Let’s see now ... Ultimate fighting championships, any number of video games, fight clubs, suicide bombers, and the list goes on.

So that’s just a couple of the theories floating around and there are more that I won’t even mention. What it boils down to is that there are weak-minded people out there who are prey to the ones that come up with this trash. I have a suggestion for you the next time someone says the world is going to end on that date. Challenge them on it. Say that if they are so certain then have them sign over everything they own over to you on Dec 22. You’ll soon find out how serious they are. If they do and they lose everything to you, well it’s just nature’s way of weeding out the stupid. By the way most grumpy old men know when the world is gonna end. It ends when our heart stops ticking.

Well-known raconteur Len Podbisky is a former Thompson Citizen and Nickel Belt News reporter and former news director of Arctic Radio CHTM-610 AM who now lives in The Pas